Archived entries for

Silly me

OH HEY LOOK I’M DUMB. I fell prey to the unfortunate trap that is “fonts that make lowercase L’s and uppercase i’s look the same.” I managed to IP ban myself by using the wrong one in a password WHICH MADE IT SEEM just like every other time that I WASN’T IP banned and thus had no reason to suspect that something else was to blame. That particular issue has been resolved but I am still trying to determine what to do with regards to future hosting. Also, I’m not entirely sure why what I did would trigger a blanket IP ban rather than forcing me out of the particular thing I was trying to log in to. Who knows. It’s fixed now.

I blame my sleep deprivation. I have been awake for far longer than usual because my head wouldn’t let me sleep. Seems that either I’m having a regression or the medicine wasn’t working in the first place. Also I keep making myself really dizzy just by turning my head certain ways. Not. Cool.

Bizarro World

(Turns out the major problem was actually my fault. It supposedly wasn’t the previous times this same issue seems to have happened. See updated post here.)

Well folks, once again it looks like I can’t access my sites from my home computer. The only reason I’m updating right now is that for some unknown reason, if I use a proxy server I can get to them no problem. This has happened in the past with my host and I have NEVER got an answer. Somehow after days, weeks, whatever, it fixes itself. This is hardly acceptable. I haven’t found any other sites that I’m not able to access except for ones that are also using this particular web host.

Really, I don’t know what’s going on and I’m really frustrated. I am trying to decide if I’m going to find new services or what. I’m sorely tempted to but I don’t want to end up in the same sort of situation. (Read: bad.)

The most frustrating thing? I was working to try to get some things updated. A tiny, small update, but update nonetheless. Then WHAMMO: can’t access the server. It just irks me that nearly every time I want to work on any of my sites they’re down. I’m serious: this is NOT the first time this exact same thing has happened. More like the fourth or fifth. And, like most sites, they claim a 99.9% uptime guarantee. Know what that translates to? Less than 9 hours of downtime in an entire year, if I’ve done my math right. Less than eight hours and forty-five minutes, to be more exact. Of course, they will tell me that right now my sites ARE up and it’s no fault of theirs.

So until I get things figured out this is just going to have to sit. Not like it hasn’t been but what can I say. Life’s been a little rough.


Tuesday I had the followup appointment with the neurologist to find out the results of my MRI and blood tests. Turns out I didn’t see the neurologist for more than a minute. Instead I saw a woman I presume to be a physician’s assistant. I’m really confused about that because I waited a good while for my appointment and no one told me of this change. (I read an article recently that asked why are doctor’s allowed to run so far behind schedule but in any other profession that would mean the professional is not likely to be successful at all. They made some very good points.)

I suppose I should have taken it as a good sign because the tests didn’t find anything that would be causing the headaches. No tumors, aneurysm, or disease that would have been picked up by the blood work. They did show that I am maybe a little anemic but they were not concerned about it. (For the curious, my hemoglobin was 12.2 when acceptable is 14. Additionally, my hematocrit was 35.8 when acceptable is 37.)

Since the severity and frequency of my headaches seem to have both decreased since I started the preventive medication they decided to bump it up a little and sort of leave it at that. The increase came because I am still being woken up at least once a night with my head noticeably hurting. Apparently this stuff should make me sleep more soundly and it isn’t yet. My next appointment is in three months.

I do feel a little bad that I wasn’t able to be told “THIS is definitely what is causing your headaches” but I’m also very grateful that it does not appear to be anything serious. I also regret that they forgot to give me the samples they said they would and that I forgot to remind them because as luck would have it, I got a worse headache than I’ve had in a while that very night. C’est la vie, eh? For now the tests are over and I can quit worrying. I also hope to be able to be a bit more positive about everything. That’s much easier to do when your head is not constantly hurting.


I feel like I’ve hit a level of stagnation in so many things at the same time. A few weeks ago an opportunity that I had fell through even though it seemed extremely likely to succeed. I think that set me back a lot because I’m in a “now what?” phase. It really doesn’t help that I’m still not entirely sure what is going on with my head. I have yet to hear about the MRI (from 10/7) or the blood tests (10/6). However, my followup appointment with the neurologist is tomorrow morning. I should be able to find out the results then. Some people have said that they must not have found anything wrong because I haven’t heard anything yet. I say that’s not necessarily true; when I was first trying to get my appointment there was not a single opening available to me before the scheduled appointment. I may be pessimistic but I think that if things are wrong but not life-threatening then maybe they just weren’t able to reschedule my appointment for any sooner. Whichever the case, tomorrow should tell me more.

Another source of stagnation is this website. It bothers me that the site has remained largely unchanged for nearly two years (my fault), that I hardly ever update (my fault), and that I’m horrible at responding to comments (again…. my fault). It’s not that I don’t want to do anything I just find myself lacking motivation. I have several things I could blame for that but truth is I need to make time. Certain events are going to force me to do so anyway. I need to renew my hosting soon or move the site. I haven’t decided which one I’ll do yet. I also need to get all of my domains together on one reseller account. Right now I have them registered through two different companies. This one in particular may be a challenge because of how the company that originally registered it for me changed hands. Again, something that I just need to sit down and take care of.

And as always I have things that I really want to do but never have time. But if I’m totally honest, I have time I just waste it doing non productive things, like aimlessly surfing the internet and seeing amazing things and thinking “I could do something like that!” but continue aimlessly browsing. Among those are getting back to drawing, taking more photos, actually processing and posting the photos I’ve taken, and attempt to get an online store set up. I want to see if I can actually sell prints of some of my photos. For one, it’d be a huge ego boost. (I hope that’s not as self-centered as it might sound. I could use a couple of good pick-me-ups right now and an ego boost seems better than the narcotic kind.) Another, I feel like if it’s successful I will be able to start saving up for more photography equipment or have money to buy film for my Polaroid that my sister-in-law spotted at a rummage sale for me. It was just $5 for a Polaroid OneStep Express. Unfortunately, it appears that buying film for it from The Impossible Project will be a rare treat. I’m wanting to come up with series that I can do with only 8 exposures as a sort of justification for it costing so much. We’ll see.

Other things I want (or maybe really need) to do are exercise more and learn to cook new and healthy (and tasty) food. A bike ride I took on Saturday is STILL reminding me that I don’t exercise nearly enough. Learning to cook (more; I can cook a little) will be a. healthier and b. hopefully cheaper. I have also been thinking that I might start up a written journal again. Maybe. Sometimes I have things in my head that just need to be written so that I can let them go.

So. Many things to do. I think I will feel more accountable if I put them out here and say “these are things I should be doing.” I am also thinking of posting lists and reminders near my computer so that they stare me in the face. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have to do that but I’m letting certain things (like “the thing I don’t talk about on the internet”) are really getting me down and killing all motivation. I need to not let that get in my way and continue to pursue things that do make me happy and try to overcome the aforementioned letdown.

I will almost certainly be updating tomorrow about the results of my neurologist visit. I think I’m subconsciously delaying my bedtime because I’m almost too afraid to find out the answers.

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