echodrift

An education

This is part two of a three part post. Read the first post Opening Up.

I just had a thought: remember how I said it was awkward talking about this stuff in person? Well, this is the Internet and the Internet is forever. So to my future child(ren): if you’re reading this, I’m sorry if it’s awkward. One day you’ll be young and ignorant inexperienced and you’ll probably put something in writing that one day you’ll look back on and maybe go WHAT WAS I THINKING. And then one day YOUR children might find out.

So what did I learn? A whole hell of a lot. My former education taught me that of course you can only get pregnant if you ovulate but that was about it. Nothing about how one might confirm ovulation, detect ovulation, nothing. Bare basics. Egg + sperm = baby. But I find that there really are just 4-5 days in a cycle (which is most certainly NOT 28 days every cycle) when a woman is fertile. For some people that might be obvious but it was brand new information to me. The best thing I ever did was read a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Seriously. Before I read it I had heard it mentioned so much in my “research” that I thought surely they’re blowing it out of proportion. One BOOK couldn’t be that life changing. I WAS WRONG. If you’re wanting to have kids some day, whether it’s soon or 10 years from now, read. that. book. It’s so much of what I was never taught but should have been. Continue reading…

Opening up

One thing I realize more and more is that every single person has their very own, very unique set of experiences. It should be obvious but “individual” means just that. While a person may share certain aspects with other individuals or even groups of people, nothing is ever exactly the same. Lately I’ve been thinking about how some things are labeled “TMI” and so hardly anyone talks about them. And how maybe life would be easier if people DID talk about those things. Actually, several of the things I’m thinking about have to do with female fertility so it’s actually not that weird that people don’t like to hear about it because EWW PERIODS ARE GROSS. Yes, I went there and yes, I’m about to discuss a whole lot of “lady business”.

I never really had a grand plan for what I wanted to be “when I grew up.” I had no goals of any sort about a career, marriage, children, none of it. Well, my career ideas are certainly not what they were when I graduated college 5 years ago. (Seriously, it’s been five years this month. Where does time go.) I also got married five years ago; June 30 is our fifth anniversary. Five years ago, having kids was a “yeah some day we’ll do that but not right now” thing. Not having plans may have been a good thing, considering that things hardly ever go according to plan. Continue reading…

Pink flowers in April

Hangups

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve thought about writing but I haven’t. Once, a few nights ago, I felt like writing (how did I type “righting” without realizing it?) but I know from past experience that for me, writing that late at night produces nothing worthwhile. Earlier I had started a draft of a post about hindsight but it, too, was going to end up a wordy wall of text. In essence: things happened, nothing will change the fact that they happened, and that’s OK. I don’t need to “get over it”, at least not in the traditional sense. But that’s about as far as I’ve gotten; I’m still trying to figure out where to go from here. Accepting that I don’t have to “forgive and forget” was a big step.

It’s been a while since I’ve picked up my camera. I’ve thought about it. A little. Actually, I’ve spent more time thinking about what it is I want to shoot rather than doing any sort of work. And to be honest there’s more than a small amount of fear.

I know the thinking is important but there comes a time when I need to stop thinking and do something.

Actually, the not writing and the not picking up a camera are related to the things that happened. That shouldn’t be a big realization but it feels like one.

One other reason I haven’t been writing? Every time I sit down to do that I end up with a jumbled mess that goes from topic to topic and never actually get to what it is I wanted to write about in the first place. I want my writing to be better but always end up deleting everything because I feel like there’s no point. (I almost deleted that line.) But sometimes I just have to write what I think, publish, and move on. At least, that’s what I tell myself. I have a lot of hangups, ok?

I think I’m close to moving on. I’m just not there yet. Also, a cat has taken over my lap in spite of the laptop that is already occupying that space.

Macro lens get

Back in November I finally bought the macro lens that I’ve been eying for ages. And when I say ages I actually mean that I’ve wanted a macro lens since I got my first Nikon 3 years ago. I’ll also say that when my husband asks me how much money I would spend on camera gear if I could I tell him that however much he can think of, that’s how much I could spend. $2,000? Sure, that will get me a really nice lens. $3,000? Full frame here I come. $5,000? $10,000? No problem. Here’s the thing: I’m not an impulse buyer. (Usually; my new hair straightener was a bit of an impulse but my old one is 6+ years old!) Even when I take my time, do research, and fully consider the pros and cons of buying new camera equipment I often end up with buyers remorse. That’s just how I am about money.

I could talk about all the technicalities of the lenses I already own and all the technical reasons why I bought the one I did but this isn’t a technical post. Basically, the 90mm focal length is helping to fill a gap that I have and the macro feature is a bonus. My problem is that I haven’t actually used it all that much, a problem I need to fix. Warm weather, please come quickly! Considering that we’re in Wisconsin now that’s probably not likely.

These are, once again, some older photos. When we traveled south to visit family for Christmas the weather was warm enough for me to walk around and test the lens out on my mom’s Boxer, Chief, and her flower bed. While her glorious day lilies are not in bloom I still enjoyed it.

Continue reading…