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A little navelgazing

Obviously I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution to write more for the blog. I’ve started up several posts on Issues but I haven’t been able to fully hash them out or maybe I just don’t have the words yet to fully articulate my thoughts. While that’s all very frustrating I realized that I haven’t actually sat down and wrote much of anything about this pregnancy or how I’m doing so I’m allowing myself to do just that.

First trimester wrap-up! So far as actual pregnancy related issues I didn’t have many. I was (and still am) feeling sick at the thought of preparing or eating most meat. It wasn’t something I particularly enjoyed before getting pregnant so I’m not surprised. It’s just now I’m having to work extra hard to get enough protein and iron. Morning sickness? Not an issue (knock on wood). I know a few other gals who are due the same month as me and a couple of them have needed medication and IV fluids because of their extreme morning sickness. No, I got “lucky” in that I only had a 24 hour GI flu the week after Thanksgiving and then getting the for real influenza type a the week of Christmas. I should have gotten a flu shot in the fall but I’ve never ever had one so I was pretty ambivalent. Then at my first OB appointment at 8 weeks they said I should wait until 12 weeks to get one. Wouldn’t you know, 10 weeks in, BOOM, got the flu. Other than that (which was horrible), sore boobs, and feeling tired and needing to take naps (something I almost never do), I had it pretty easy.

Oh right, first appointment. Everything was pretty routine. I did have somewhat of an issue with my doctor not reviewing my chart before seeing me because one of the first things she mentioned was that I didn’t need any assistance to achieve this pregnancy. I know I had only seen her in person once before but we’ve talked on the phone multiple times since and she’s signed multiple prescriptions for me. I know doctors are busy but that irked me. Following the exam we went to the ultrasound room and got to see one little baby with a flickering heartbeat on the screen. Seeing that there was, in fact, a heartbeat was the biggest relief. The second was seeing that it wasn’t twins. I knew going in that it was a rather high probability and I wouldn’t have been upset if it were. I know know that a) pregnancy with twins is more difficult and b) raising twins is more difficult, in a way that having multiple children isn’t. First hand experience growing up as a twin, remember? Continue reading…

Writer’s block

It’s not that I’m having a real block. I’ve been writing. I’ve been writing lots of things it’s just that as I come close to wrapping a post up, or even when getting to the heart of the story I keep having major episodes of second guessing myself. Why? I’ve come to realize that certain things that I had guessed a few weeks ago were actually true.

I am no stranger to the internet. I am perfectly aware that my blog and twitter account aren’t protected. Anyone can read them. I am also keenly aware that my views and opinions differ greatly from those of many people who know me. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve hesitated to be more open about sharing this site with them. Funny enough, my site is on my Facebook profile. Just this one. Finding my twitter requires some digging, more so now that I’ve been working on the layout here. I never tried to hide it and I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve written. I just don’t want to stir the pot. (Don’t even ask me about how hard it was not to post anything on Facebook during the circus that was the 2012 election.)

But, I still feel the same way I did a few weeks ago. I don’t want to stop writing, I don’t want to shut this blog down and move and I don’t want to feel like I’ve been chased out of the safe space that was my twitter. I also don’t want to feel like I can’t write about the things I’d like to just so that other people continue to feel good about themselves. But. BUT. The judging. It’s one thing to know that it’s a possibility that people are talking about you. It’s another thing entirely to know for certain that they are. And that some of those selfsame people might be reading this and recognizing themselves in the words I write and will take exception to it.

On the other hand, I have some close friends who I trust very much telling me that I’m not a terrible person, that I’m kind and reasonable and mostly rational. I say mostly because I have been having fangirl moments. (I regret nothing.) I say this to point out that I haven’t lost touch with reality. I’m not a hateful person and I haven’t been writing hateful or spiteful things. Sometimes frustration creeps out, yes, but I am only human.

Writing this hasn’t helped me reach any conclusions but well, what else is new? I’m not giving up yet.

At last

Some of you may remember a few weeks ago when I was trying to get the results of a blood test back. After all the calling back and forth about finding out the cost it turned out that I wouldn’t be able to get the results until the following Monday. That Monday came and went and I never said much more about it.

That’s because I’m a terrible liar. Honestly, I don’t have a poker face. If someone asks me a question and I know the answer it shows on my face. And I can hardly stand to not tell when I know the answer.

That Monday I did get a call (from a nurse, not my doctor so there went that reasoning) and my results were good. Really really good. But I already knew they would be because over the weekend I had gotten a positive pregnancy test!! Sometime next July there will be a baby in the echodrift household.

We’ve told family and close friends and are going to be putting it on Facebook soon so that people will see that they don’t have to keep a secret for us.

Aaaaaaaahhh I’m still so excited I can hardly stand it. I feel like I have a million things to get done now so I can’t imagine what actual nesting feels like. So far everything is going well except for near constant burping, which has been fairly entertaining. I won’t have a prenatal appointment for a few weeks yet so I don’t have a sonogram to put on Facebook as my profile photo… wait that’s not ever happening. I personally can’t stand that trend.

ANYWAY. At long last the TTC phase is over! I know that a year isn’t long compared to some couple’s experiences with infertility but it was long enough for me. I feel like a whole mountain of stress has been lifted. There’s still a lot that’s up in the air but life is good right now.

We have not decided on names yet! Preemptive FYI there. I say we have to find out if there’s more than one before we start talking about names.

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